I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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