3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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