Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
