i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love you. Go after that dick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
