chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
