woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
