It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
