someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize