yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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