Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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