She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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