mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
