New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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