mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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