Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
