A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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