Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
