My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
