Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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