some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
