smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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