My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
