I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
