The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
