Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
