you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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