How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
