Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
