We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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