well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
