your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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