oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
