Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
