1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
