If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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