I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
