so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
