Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
