If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
