found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
