So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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