How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
