he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
