final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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