I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
