Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
