i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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