For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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