i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
