Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
