we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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