M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
