I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
