so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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