it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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