he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
