Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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