I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
