Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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