Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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