What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
