I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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