I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
