If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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