Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
