i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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