That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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