At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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