hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
