giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
