Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
