Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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